Unrecognizable

I had my performance review at work today. It went really well. I have been at my current position for 5 months now. My boss really had not much negative, or really even constructive to say. Her main messages were that it has been nice to watch me develop more or less how she expected I would and that I should carry on as it is going well. No one is worried about my project because they trust I have it under control. A good review to be sure.

We got talking about lots of things and it came up that she wouldn't have recognized the person I was 7 years ago now, and the people from that job wouldn't recognize me either. I am relaxed, confident and usually calm. For the most part I take challenges in stride and find ways to manage them. I have not even been close to an inappropriate emotional outburst.

The work environment had a lot to do with so much of that. Especially when having to deal with a bully everyday. Really when a work environment causes PTSD, there is something amiss there.  Undiagnosed depression and anxiety didn't help either. So many factors working against me at the time. I was told I was a difficult employee to manage and I needed to make so many changes in order to be effective...

Today I was told I am an easy employee to manage, that in my bosses' view we have a good working relationship (which I agree with).

So how do I make sense of it all? Firstly, the depression and anxiety were there before the bully started, but she certainly exacerbated the problem, as did the people who would not acknowledge that she, not I, was the problem. Next, for me work environment is actually really important. Where I am now is even better for me than my regular position, mainly due to the nature of the job that I am there to do.


And mental health is SO imoirtant.  Making mine a priority, no matter what this means, is the only way I can live my life.

#blog4mh