One of my activities over the last few years has been dodgeball. I got into it randomly and ended up on a team of fabulous people equally randomly. The guy who introduced me to the team ended up not being a good fit, but I am still around.
Earlier this year I somehow ended up with a stress fracture in my foot. No idea how actually. Anyhow, as you can likely imagine, part of the treatment is not playing dodgeball, so I haven't played since the first week of March.
A friend asked me today how I was not going crazy, well the truth is, I am going crazy. I knew I would miss it, and I was worried about finding ways to keep up some kind of exercise. Thankfully I can swim still, and bike a little. These are helpful, but I am learning they are missing 2 things: team spirit and aggression. The first doesn't surprise me. As I said, my teammates are lovely.
The aggression I wouldn't have expected. I don't think of myself as an aggressive or particularly competitive person. I can see though, in hindsight, that many of the times when things were going at least better for me, I had some kind of aggressive outlet. Throughout my days at university I played basketball, volleyball and hockey. And my aggressive side came out.
The nice thing about dodgeball is that it is aggressive, but in a controlled and acceptable way. The whole point of the game is to throw balls at other people. Catching also has its own feeling of aggression, or maybe that is just pain. It sure makes you know you are in the game though.
I guess the other thing about the game is that it really makes you live in the moment. You either pay attention or get nailed with a ball.
And so, I am struggling without an aggressive outlet in my life right now. I know it is temporary and that my foot will eventually get better. And I am learning something about myself and what makes it easier for me to manage the depression. I really do need a place as an outlet for aggression. Hopefully I will be able to play dodgeball again soon.
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